You and your spouse decided to divorce, and you’ve both been wonderful about keeping your kids out of arguments or disputes. Now that the divorce is happening and you have a handle on many of the disputes around custody, it’s time to move into your new home. 

Should the kids have a part in the move? Probably. Exactly how much is up to you, but allowing the kids to play a role in your move can give them a bigger sense of control over their own future and lives. Remember: Your kids’ lives are just as disrupted as yours, so they may benefit from anything that makes them feel like they have some personal agency.

Let your kids have a defined role in your move.

Consider offering your children a specific, defined job or “role” to play. Perhaps they can tell you one thing they like or dislike about an apartment they saw, or maybe you’ll let them decide on which bedroom they want in the property that you choose. By giving them a small amount of control, you may help them find some sense of power over their future — which can make them more comfortable (and happier) about the changes.

When children have the opportunity to play a role in decisions, like choosing a paint color for the walls or picking between two acceptable homes, then they will gain confidence. You’ll also know that you have given them at least some control in an otherwise uncontrolled (and probably difficult) situation. 

It can be hard to divorce with kids, but if you allow them some say in what happens, you may find that they adjust better to the situation after you move.